Have you ever thought about the image that pops into your head when you think about the face of God? Where did that image come from? What kind of expression do you see resting on His face?
Growing up I imagined God the Father as a floating, disapproving Santa Claus character in the sky, with the fire of hell burning in His eyes. Luckily, over the years, I’ve come to the conclusion that that image of God is just not accurate. And I don’t have any cold hard evidence. I’ve never seen the face of God. I don’t have a picture I can show you, but I have a constellation of experiences that I sense deep down in my bones were an encounter with the divine. And you know what those experiences looked like? A sunset over Lake Michigan while music played in the background, a painfully honest conversation with a friend while walking in the woods, a comforting voice of hope and encouragement when I felt extremely lonely. None of my encounters that have a whiff of the divine have been cruel, condemning, distancing, or wracked with shame. I’ve had plenty of experiences that could be described in those terms, but I don’t think heaven was the return address.
And it’s because of my lived experiences that I began to wonder what God’s actual posture and countenance is towards me. I have my assumptions, but are they even true?
Is God’s face judgmental? Always looking for a reason to withhold love and forgiveness?
Is God’s face turned away from me? Either disgusted by the mess I’ve made or unaffected by my pain?
Is God’s face red with rage? So upset with me that He can’t even see me?
Is God’s face disappointed? Always thinking about what I could have done, what I should have done?
Is God’s face wrinkled with worry? Wondering if I’m going to screw this thing up so badly it can’t be fixed?
Maybe.
Maybe that’s God’s posture towards me. That’s what I’m afraid I’ll be met with in my moments of pain, shame, and despair.
But what I’ve found on the other side, when I surrender to God’s presence with me instead of trying to beat it back with a broom, is that God’s presence looks a lot like the person of Jesus.
For God, who said, ‘Let light shine out of darkness,’ has shone in our hearts to give the light of the knowledge of the glory of God in the face of Jesus.”
2 Corinthians 4:6
Go ahead. Imagine the face of Jesus. Is there a story of Jesus you imagine first? Did you imagine Him sitting quietly at His trial while He was mocked, slandered, beaten, and ultimately killed by His own people? Or His face as he insisted that the children be allowed to come near Him? Or His face when He looked out at a crowd of hurting people and felt compassion for them? Or His face when He told the Pharisees, “I desire mercy, not sacrifice”? Or His face as he sat with the woman at the well?
Jesus met people with so much grace, compassion, healing, forgiveness, truth, questions, attention, patience, hope, generosity, and love.
What if you took a chance, and imaged that God meets with you in the same way that Jesus lived and taught? What if He didn’t withhold His love, forgiveness, or presence from you? What if you let the expression on God’s face that lives in your mind soften towards you 10% and see what that does to your internal world? What if today, you imagined God as just silently fuming instead of being full of unhinged anger? And then ask God if you’re getting warmer or colder. And what if the next day you imagined God was just indifferent towards you, and ask if you’re getting warmer or colder. And when you’re feeling really frisky, what if you imagined that God looked at you right now, right as you are, in the midst of this bloody, confusing, messy life, and actually delighted in you. I know there are days when that feels like a real stretch. But just treat it like a thought experiment, for me. Ask God what He thinks about you and how He looks at you, and then get quiet and see what happens.
If you’re willing to take the chance, I really believe what you’ll find on the other side of your questions is what Anthony de Mello described: “Behold the One beholding you, and smiling.”
And what you see in the reflection of His eyes will change you. To see yourself truly, to see yourself through the eyes of love rather than the eyes of contempt, will leave a mark on you. It’ll stun you, and maybe even make you uncomfortable.
But the more you experience God’s wholehearted love for you, the more you can learn to trust Him in all things, the more you’ll want to draw near to Him, and His nearness will help to shape the way you see yourself and the people around you in a way that is more true, hopeful, and life-giving.